


try to quiet the noises in your head

by justyncase



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous Relationships, Arnold is mentioned, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Intrusive Thoughts, Light Angst, M/M, OCD!Kevin, Panic Disorder!Connor, Self-Indulgent, relationship could be seen as romantic or platonic, title from dear evan hansen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 01:29:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18084818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyncase/pseuds/justyncase
Summary: Kevin has been having trouble with his more intrusive thoughts. Sometimes all you need is a deep breath and a talk from a friend.





	try to quiet the noises in your head

**Author's Note:**

> welp. this was incredibly self-indulgent. like... incredibly. please note that there is a light suicide mention warning. i was hesitant to write it. but sometimes intrusive thoughts are like that and the need to betrayed as accurately as possible. at least for me.
> 
> -mckinley

Kevin couldn’t handle it anymore. He had been standing in the same spot of twenty minutes. On and off. On and off. On and off. Thank God Arnold hadn’t walked in yet or he would be having a seizure.  _ Why did no one else care? Maybe I should just stop being here. But where would I go? How would I go?  _ These were only some of the thoughts that recently went throughout his head. He only hoped that someone would just let him die.

 

“Kevin, you okay?” there was a voice. The voice of a man that Kevin liked. Maybe loved. Connor’s voice was sweet and calm. Which was odd for a man with a panic disorder. 

 

Kevin turned around. His eyes were fixated and lost all at once. He switched hands from left to right but stopped flipping the switch.

 

“Yeah. Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” Kevin replied, shaking his head. 

 

“Cause I’ve passed your door about four times in the past 30 minutes and you’ve just been flipping the switch.” Connor said, crossing his arms across his chest. He had this expression on his face that Kevin knew all too well. 

 

“Okay fine! You got me! I can’t stop just thinking. Everything is so fast. I really need to continue flipping this stupid switch until I figure out something else to do, so if you excuse me…” 

 

“Kevin, give me your hand. Please. I just wanna help.” 

 

“I’m fine. I don’t need your help.”

 

“Babe, you really do. Just give me your hand please.”

 

Kevin sighed. Connor wouldn’t give up without a fight and he knew it. “Fine but the switch will be so very lonely without my hand and its rarely used nowadays and-” the taller man gave the shorter man both his hands to hold glancing down at them.

 

“Great job, Kev. Now could you please take a deep breath for me?” Connor asked. Kevin did so. He repeated the action a few times. “Okay. Do you want to sit down now?”

 

“...sure.” Kevin sighed. He was shaking slightly. Connor walked him over to his bed. He remained holding Kevin’s hand.

 

“Kevin, I’ve told you to just call me when something like this happens.”

 

“I know but I just couldn’t-”

 

“I know. I completely understand. It’s the same when I have panic attacks. But we need to try to contact. I’m just happy you didn’t completely do something you’d regret. That I caught it on time.” Connor sighed. “I promise that I will always come when you tell me you need help. But you need to tell me that. We both know that these thought could make you do something a lot worse and you need to be able to control that to the best of your abilities.”

 

“I… I know. Okay? I know. It’s just really hard.” 

 

“I know.”

 

Connor let go of Kevin’s hands moving them around his neck to hug him. Kevin was a little stunned by this. He froze for a moment before moving his arms around the other man’s back, lightly tapping his fingers on his back. He tapped his index finger once, middle finger four times, ring finger 12, and pinky twice. 

 

Sometimes, this was all he needed to quiet the intrusive thoughts. 

**Author's Note:**

> come into my inbox about this fic @mckpricely


End file.
